How to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence
We often hear about boosting our IQ, but what about emotional intelligence? Is it important to our wellbeing? What will it do for you in your life?
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence speaks to the way that you handle… Continue reading
Forming a Stronger Parent Unit
It’s possibly the most over-used gag on family sit-coms spanning the TV airwaves from the days of Leave it to Beaver till our own 8 Simple Rules: a parent tries to lay down a message of authority to a errant child, and the other parent uses the opportunity to joke about the parent’s own childishness. The reason we laugh at this joke over and over is that it reflects the tension we often feel in our own family situations. But don’t laugh to hard, because the issue reflected by the joke can be one of the most serious threats to successful parenting.
“For a long time, I didn’t know how to put it into words,” Megan recounts of her co-parenting struggle, “My husband is so logical, all the time. When I’d make a decision about one of our kids, he’d always give me a ‘look’ and have some comment about not seeing the bigger picture. I realized after awhile that what he was causing my kids to see me as less intelligent and less capable of making good decisions. He still has a hard time admitting that it was having a bad effect on our family.”
Family research strongly supports Megan’s view that these kinds of communication messages have a negative impact on the entire family system. Jouriles and Murphy’s (1991) study of 87 families noted a connection between acting-out behavior in boys and parental disagreement. Other researchers have found similar results. The issue is not that parents have disagreements about child-rearing, it is how those disagreements are expressed in front of the children.
Family Meetings – Great Ways for a Family to Stay Connected
Communication is the key to living together in harmony. It doesn’t matter if your family is small (two partners) or large (partners and various children) – family meetings are a great way for a family to stay connected. Read through… Continue reading
Is it Time for a Family Meeting?
Family meetings always seem like a good idea on the surface, but when it comes down to it, it can seem like the early stages of democracy in an emerging country. Think about it. Alliances are formed between usually warring… Continue reading
Getting Your Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed after Co-Sleeping
Many new mothers are choosing to bring their babies to bed with them after they’re born. While there are both advocates for and opponents of co-sleeping, each family will want to make that decision for themselves. The trick is getting your toddler to sleep in their own bed after co-sleeping. The following ideas may make the transition a little smoother.
Talk about your current sleeping arrangements with your partner. Are they ready to move the little tyke to their own bed already or are they content to leave things as they are for the moment? In many situations where a toddler is still sleeping with you, your partner may be feeling left out. They want to have your attention, and more, rather than having to share you with a wee one. Even though it may be difficult for everyone involved, the aim is for your toddler to be able to sleep in their own bed instead of remaining in yours.
What Dad Can Do for Mom
I feel worn out and wish my husband would give me more support. He says he wants to and that I should just give him a list. Any ideas?
Out of our marriage and experience with many couples with children, here’s a Top Ten list (in no particular order) addressed to a father; hopefully some of these suggestions will fit your relationship:Take initiative with the kids – When a child has a need or a problem, dive in. For example, you be the one to tend to your child in a restaurant. If your wife offers a suggestion, take on board what’s useful in her comment, and keep diving in.
Take on a regular chore – Pick an everyday childrearing or housework task and start doing it routinely with little fanfare.
Arrange date nights – Set up the babysitting, take the lead in telling your kids that you’re going out, and be the last one out the door.
Start by joining – Try to have your opening move be one of interest, support, empathy, and what you agree with – rather than withdrawal, detached analysis, or disagreement. Imagine how you’d feel if you were she, if you had her tasks, her day, her life. Try to explore any negative feelings in her rather than step back from them or try to fix them quickly so they go away.
Ask three questions in a row – Every day, try to ask three questions in a row about her inner experience, such as: How did you feel when _______ ? Deep down, what did you really want in that situation? Can you say more about that? How was _______ related to _______ for you?
Give her a night off each week – From start to finish, handle one night a week. It’s fine to have take-out and to do things your way (as long as the effects don’t spill over onto her). If she wants to stay home and take a long bath, you’re still in charge of the kids and the housework.
