It seems strange, yet it is often the case, that Mrs.
J (who is a model of competence and self-assurance at
her job or running her home) or Mr. J (who is a pillar
of strength and confidence at his place of business) can
turn into masses of quivering jelly when faced with the
prospect of a parent-teacher conference about their
child.
What can be done to lessen the trauma? Happily, many
techniques for making the parent-teacher conference a
valuable, rewarding, even relaxing experience do exist.
How you feel about your child's teacher is certainly
going to spill over into the conference, and it is best
to get your thinking straight before the meeting.
This is a professional, one who has been trained to
teach children. As such, she deserves your respect
although you must never lose sight of the fact that she
is also a human being and, therefore, susceptible to the
same human errors and frailties as you.
Although you are convinced-and rightly so-that no one
knows your child as well as you do, you should remember
that the teacher spends 6-7 hours daily, week in and
week out, with your youngster and probably knows him
pretty well-better, in fact, than you suspect she does.
Teachers would rather give a positive than a negative
report on a child. They really would! The reason for
this is obvious. It reflects favorably on their teaching
abilities and reinforces feelings of worth and
competence.
The teacher is sacrificing some of her own free time to
meet with you. (Rare is the conference that is held
during school hours.) Home and family and all that they
involve will probably be awaiting her attention after
she has finished talking with you. Therefore, it is
important that the conference not be unduly prolonged
with non-essentials such as descriptions of your other
children, your job, et cetera. She will truly appreciate
your honest endeavor to respect her time and stay on
target.
Your attitude toward the teacher is most likely based in
part on things your child has told you. It's wise to
bear in mind the familiar quote from the teacher who
said, "If you promise not to believe any of Johnny's
wild stories about what I do at school, I'll promise not
to believe any of his wild stories about what you do at
home. " Make up your own mind about this person from
what you see and hear."
Communication
It's important that you fully understand the message
the teacher is trying to transmit. Some teachers,
through kindness, try to blur bad news. Others may
resort to the educational jargonese so incomprehensible
to the layman. This is when you must summon up your
courage and say, "I don't understand that word-or that
phrase--or that sentence. And it is critical that I do
understand. Could you perhaps use simpler language?"
(Mothers hate to admit this and fathers certainly do!)
And so they sit and nod patiently as brains and eyeballs
begin to glaze. It may be necessary to ask for
documentation-for example, if the teacher says, "Your
child has perceptual problems," ask for a work sample
that illustrates this. Then find out the ramifications
of the problem and what is being or can be done about
it.
The conference is made up of (at least) two people, both
of whom are interested in the wellbeing of the child.
Therefore, there should be a feeling of give and take,
questions and answers and opinions from all
participants.
A conference is not a power struggle, not a case of one
person's dominance, but a serious meeting of the minds
where all points of view are equally considered. The
teacher's views are of critical importance but your
views are important, too. If your method of
communication is respectful and its content relevant,
your chances of being "heard" are greatly enhanced.
Body language can be important. A parent who leans
slightly forward in the chair and maintains eye contact
with the teacher is demonstrating full attention and
active participation.
Don't grow tense if the teacher asks questions that, to
you, seem unrelated to academic problems. She may
inquire about sleep habits, preferred foods or the
amount of television a child watches. These are not
meant to pry but will tell the teacher how the child is
responding to a variety of situations-and perhaps, when
necessary, she can suggest alternatives.
Never forget-your sense of humor will lighten many a
situation and ease the tension for all.
Do Your Homework
Have you paid particular attention to the papers your
child has been bringing home from school! They're easy
to overlook, particularly if they are scrunched up into
little balls and stowed away in the pockets of jeans and
coats. You don't want to be caught off guard if the
teacher says, "I'm sure you've noticed that Johnny never
finishes an assignment."
It will add to the teacher's perspective of the child if
you describe some of the behaviors you are noting at
home-for example, if the child is particularly neat (or
messy) about taking care of his room, let the teacher
know. It may neatly fit into what she is witnessing in
the classroom.
Miscellaneous
If, for one reason or another, your child has been
tested, you will doubtless be given the results. But
there's more to tests than just scores. You will also
need to know precisely what that particular test was
measuring, why it was given, and what it suggests in
terms of ongoing needs.
Should the child attend a parent-teacher conference?
Quite often it is helpful for the child to be present
although he should never be made to feel that a team of
adults are "ganging up" on him He should be encouraged
to share his feelings about his progress or lack
thereof. If the adults are prepared to listen
attentively, the child may provide some valuable clues
to his needs and attitudes.
Do not be alarmed if the teacher asks another member of
the school staff to attend the conference-for example,
the principal, the school nurse, the school
psychologist, or a speech and Ian" teacher. These
specialists are there because they have something share
perhaps a significant observation-that will help develop
better learning patterns and styles for your child.
A Final Note
During your child's academic career, parent-teacher
conferences are a way of life just as PTA meetings,
class open houses, special programs in which your child
performs, et cetera. Like all other events that are
significant in your child's life, they can be approached
with optimism and a firm conviction that if a spirit of
good will and optimism prevails, your child will,
indeed, prosper.
Suggested Reading
Building Successful Parent-Teacher Partnerships (A
guide for parents and teachers)
Bad Teachers : The Essential Guide for Concerned Parents
(Through sample situations and a wealth of information
on today's educational system, Guy Strickland--a teacher
and school administrator for over 30 years--offers a
practical approach to determine if a child's learning
roadblocks stem from a bad teacher, and if so, how to
solve that problem right away)
